Out of Love
by Jewel E. Ann
Self-Published
Book 4 in the Jack & Jill Series
Conspiracies. Corruption. Serial killers.
You name it—I'm fascinated by it. My mom always blamed my overly curious and highly suspicious mind on my dad.
My incredibly overbearing dad.
Mr. No One Is Good Enough For My Daughter has been terrifying my dates since I turned fifteen.
College is my chance to be free from his control and date any guy I want.
I'm absolutely certain he would hate Slade Wylder—almost as certain as I am that I do too.
Since when have I shied away from trouble?
Slade fascinates me. He lives in a house I'm certain is haunted. His dog is trained as well as any guard I've ever seen. Rumor on campus is that he deals drugs. It would explain a lot.
But it doesn't explain why he saves me from my darkest moment.
It doesn't explain why I can't stop thinking about him.
And the explanation I finally discover is far more dangerous than any rumor.
Genre
Triggers
Violence, Murder, Sexual Assault, Arson, Kidnapping
I am loving this series!
I was not expecting a time jump, where we get a book featuring Jackson's daughter, but I'm all for it.
I think one of the things I appreciated is that, while Jewel could have finished the series out with Dawn of Forever, she didn't. After reading the first three books in this series, I felt ... meh about Jackson's story. I loved everything about this arc but his romantic one. It wasn't that I didn't like Ryn. She was a great, well-rounded character. I just didn't feel the chemistry between Jackson and Ryn.
Why am I talking about Jackson when this book's main character is his and Ryn's daughter, you ask?
Well, despite him not being the main character in this book, this book is what I consider that start of Jackson's duology. Jewel calls this a standalone in the series, but the events of this book trigger what will be the conclusion of the series and Jackson's overall arc.
Now back to Livy and Slade - who this book is truly all about.
There are many things I loved about this book.
It's Jewel E. Ann, so the writing was amazing. The storytelling was top notch.
I mean, every book I've read from her is, so I was not surprised.
This book is really hard to talk about without spoiling. This who series has been honestly.
I loved the mystery behind it. I especially loved the characters.
How ironic is it that Livy would fall in love with someone who is essentially a carbon copy of her father?
I mean, I don't blame her, but the irony of it was amazing. Especially because it's Jackson's worse nightmare.
But I honestly can't see him allowing his daughter to be with any man - especially a "normal" one.
I can't get into too much more without spoiling. Out of Love was an excellent addition to the Jack & Jill series, and if you loved the first three books in this series, you will love this one too. The romance is deliciously dark and sexy, the family bonds are still just as strong and beautiful to read, and the mystery behind Slade is just as captivating as one would hope.
Livy: “You’re not supposed to sit on the kitchen counter. If Mommy Aubrey catches you … you’ll be evicted.”
Kara leaned back against the white cabinets, hiking a knee to her chest, resting her foot on the edge of said white granite countertop. Bare feet on the kitchen counter would have sent Aubrey into a disinfecting frenzy.
Kara: “This is hers.”
Kara held up the can of diet soda shit and smirked before taking another sip.
Kara: “And it’s the last one. I’m already in deep poo poo with Mommy.”
My Aunt Jessica told me something happened to her as a teenager that changed her—irreparably damaged her—forever. Everything—good and bad—that had happened to her since that day was woven with a tiny piece of thread from that exact moment. She said, “Either you die, or you’re born again. But you’re never the same.”
Livy: "You’re going to get caught. And if you happen to live to tell about it, it will be from a prison cell. That makes you a terrible dog dad. Jericho will not come visit you.”
Jessica: “You’re ready to never be a victim again. I just needed to bring out your will to live. I will bend you so no man can ever break you. Then I will shape you into something stronger than you ever imagined.”
Slade: “I missed you,”
It wasn’t loud. It wasn’t desperate. It was … life. I paused at the top of the stairs.
Livy: “Jericho missed you too. But … not as much as I did.”
Jackson: “Who’s your friend?”
I shrugged, fetching him a cup of coffee left over from the pot Wylder made earlier that morning. The rich nutty aroma still lingered in the air.
Livy: “Well, clearly a neighbor … and someone I know from school.”
Jackson: “And how long has he been screwing my daughter?”
Dad sipped his coffee and took a seat at the table. I sat across from him and smirked. He could no longer ground me or chase my boyfriends down the street.
Livy: “Less than forty-eight hours … if you really must know.”
Jackson: “Livy …”
Livy: “Daaad …”
I rolled my eyes.
Livy: “Before I left for college, wanna know what Jess told me?”
Jackson: “No.”
He scowled at me from behind the coffee mug.
Livy: “She told me you were the most loving brother and husband. She told me the two of you had been through so much that no one would ever be able to fully understand. She said you, in so many ways, have been and always will be the greatest love of her life.”
His expression softened into the admiration I had seen so many times before on his handsome face—when people talked to him about me, when he talked about Mom, and at the mention of Jessica’s name.
Livy: “She also said in spite of your flaws, no father has ever loved his daughter the way you love me.”
He relinquished an actual smile and a guilty shrug.
Livy: “But then she told me … until you met Mom, you were a total manwhore, and that I should never feel ashamed for sowing my wild oats.”
Curling his lips together and lowering his mug to the table, he inspected me through narrowed eyes.
Jackson: “That’s a terrible exaggeration and dangerous misinformation. Not settling into a long-term relationship before reaching my thirties didn’t make me a manwhore. It simply meant I had scrutinizing taste in women.”
Livy: “Before you met Mom, how many women did you have sex with? Just trying to gauge my own sex life to see if I’m on track to live up to the legacy.”
Jackson: “Livy …”
he warned with a look.
Livy: “Would you want me to date twenty-something Jackson Knight?”
He grunted a laugh, focusing on his drink, tracing the handle with his finger.
Jackson: “That’s not a fair question.”
Livy: “It is. Everyone has said I’m destined to find a man just like you. I’m just curious how that makes you feel.”
Jackson: “Terrified.”
Jackson: “Slade?”
I nodded.
Livy: “That’s his name.”
Jackson: “It’s a terrible name.”
Livy: “It’s a cool name, Jack.”
Jackson: “Watch it …”
He relinquished a grin.
Jackson: “So is this Slade guy a political science major too?”
Livy: “He is.”
Jackson: “Rich family? Or is he working to pay for this place? Roommates?”
Livy: “I don’t know anything about his family. We just started screwing … I mean dating.”
Dad’s nostrils flared.
Livy: “No roommates. He has a dog, Jericho. A German shepherd. Totally makes me think of Gunner. As for a job … rumor has it, he’s a drug dealer.”
My mouth pulled into a toothy grin.
Jackson: “Not funny, Livy.”
It was quite funny because it was true, at least it was true about the rumors.
Livy: “He’s a bodyguard.”
Jackson: “A bodyguard?”
I nodded. Mine … but that detail wasn’t necessary at the moment.
Jackson: “Like a bouncer at some club?”
Livy: “I don’t know all the details. Again … we’ve only been screwing for a day or so.”
Jackson: “Go to your room.”
I erupted into more giggles.
Livy: “Sorry. You set yourself up for that one.”
Slade: “Are we studying tonight?”
Before I had the chance to turn toward him, he was at my back, his hands sliding around my waist, his face burrowing into my neck.
Livy: “Why should I?”
I bristled.
His lips ghosted along my ear.
Slade: “Because it was me.”
Because it was me … Because it was me … Because it was me … It took me a few seconds to blink, swallow, or breathe for that matter.
Livy: “Wylder …”
I interlaced my fingers with his at my waist.
Livy: “I have a feeling you’re not going to like this … but I’m not going to be able to stop myself from doing it anyway.”
Slade: “What’s that?”
Livy: “Loving you.”
Jackson: “He’s making it hard for me to like him,”
Dad said from his bed when I eased open the hotel room door.
The TV screen illuminated his tattooed chest from his propped-up position on his bed, and the residual aroma of microwave popcorn lingered in the air—the frigid hotel room air. I didn’t need to see his face well to know displeasure marred it.
Livy: “Because I’m twenty-minutes late? Because you haven’t met him? Because I think he’s you in your twenties?”
I plugged my phone in to charge and plopped down onto my bed.
Livy: “Only less slutty, I hope.”
Jackson: “Watch it.”
I giggled.
Livy: “I like him. A lot.”
Jackson: “He’ll break your heart.”
Missy: “Slade’s dick won’t reach quite so easily.”
Missy snickered, lugging the last box into the kitchen.
Aubrey: “A guy? You don’t like the house because of a guy?”
Aubrey’s scolding tone rose a notch.
Livy: “Dude …”
I shook my head while frowning at Missy. Not because she was wrong—because she called me out on it.
Livy: “I said it’s fine. That doesn’t mean I don’t like it. And for the record … his dick is pretty fucking amazing. It just might reach.”
Livy: “Water, bae. Lots of water.”
I grabbed Aubrey’s hand and led her into the kitchen.
Aubrey: “I’ll have a full bladder.”
She reluctantly took a few sips.
Aubrey: “Then I’ll have to pee right after we … you know. Then he’ll sneak out. He always sneaks out.”
Missy: “You won’t have to pee.”
Missy swayed, making her way into the kitchen with her empty wine glass and Aubrey’s empty Pinot bottle.
Missy: “Not if he gives you an orgasm.”
Aubrey: “Why? I’m going to pee if I orgasm?”
Aubrey’s nose wrinkled, showing her lack of sexual experience and apparently her lack of orgasms.
Missy: “I hope not.”
Missy chuckled.
Missy: “When you climax, your body releases vasopressin, an antidiuretic hormone, which makes it hard to pee.”
Aubrey: “Huh …”
Aubrey’s head cocked to the side.
Aubrey: “I’ve never had that issue.”
Livy: “Poor baby.”
I guided the water bottle toward her mouth.
Livy: “Drink up, and if he doesn’t give you an orgasm … pee on him.”
Smart women saved a part of their hearts - like if even a small part were left intact, it could grow a full heart again. One cell at a time. Nope. I let the whole fucking organ dive off the cliff, which meant he would leave me heartless and broken.
Slade: “Raisins are not even close to chocolate chips. You can’t sneak those little fuckers in food without warning people.”
She rolled her lips between her teeth.
Slade: “It’s not funny.”
I turned and finished unpacking my bag. A snort escaped her.
Livy: “It’s totally funny. They’re just grapes. I’ve seen you eat grapes.”
Slade: “Dead grapes. It’s like digging up a corpse and trying to fuck it fifty years after burial.”
I checked my phone for messages, thrilled to see one from him with a turkey emoji and “missing you” after it. I replied:
Livy: Missing you more. x
Livy: We’ll be putting raisins in our stuffing. I’ll refrain from spitting them out and equating it to fucking a fifty yr. old corpse. My family might not see the humor in it. Especially my dad. He will question if you’ve actually done it.
Wylder: You can tell him I’m exclusively fucking his only daughter. And the early Thanksgiving blowjob was exquisite.
I rolled my eyes.
Jessica: “Is that him?”
Jessica asked on a quick side glance.
Livy: “Yes. He’s being obnoxious.”
Jessica: “And by obnoxious you mean inappropriate?”
Livy: “Maybe.”
My cheeks flushed as I typed my reply.
Me: Did you tell your mom about the blowjob?
I wanted to know if he’d told his family about me. The blowjob disclosure was optional.
Wylder: Not yet. I’ll mention it if I’m asked to give the blessing.
Livy: “It’s always going to be you, Wylder.”
Slade: “Then get over here so I can love you back.”
Livy: “Wanting something so much it hurts.”
Her breaths were just as labored as mine.
Livy: “Wanting it beyond all reason. That moment when the rest of the world doesn’t matter because you need something. The ache. The inability to breathe. Your heart beating out of your chest.”
Slade: “Livy …”
I grimaced, needing to move.
Livy: “It’s why I came back. It’s why I stayed. Feel it … and know that every cell in my body felt this way yesterday.”
Livy: “It’s highly unlikely that he makes an unannounced visit. My bed is still here. And I’m an adult. I don’t need Daddy’s permission to move in with my boyfriend.”
Kara: “Then just tell him.”
Livy: “Hell no.”
I laughed.
Livy: “I don’t need his permission, but I do need him to just not know for a bit.”
Kara: “Surfing in the morning?”
Livy: “Maybe. Depends on my night.”
Kara: “You mean sex. It depends on how long he keeps his dick inside of you.”
Sliding my sunglasses on, I repeated the same shit-eating grin.
Jackson: “When you made her bleed, did she …”
I rubbed my hand over my mouth. It killed me to ask it, but it also killed me to not know.
Jessica: “She broke my heart. That moment … when you know that you’re changing someone forever. When you’ve made a mark that will be there forever even if it’s invisible. She cried. She begged me to stop.”
My face contorted. Something resembling a smile tugged at Jessica’s lips.
Jessica: “But when she found her fire … it burned so damn bright. She’s you.”
Jackson: “She’s her mom.”
Jessica shook her head.
Jessica: “Her heart is Ryn’s, but her soul … her fight … is all you.”
Slade: “Because I LOVE YOU!”
he roared, anger erupting like hot lava from every inch of his tense body.
Slade: “I would walk through the flames of Hell for you. I would let someone torture me to protect you. I would die the worst fucking death in the world for you.”
His breaths surged from his heaving chest as his eyes reddened.
Slade: “I love you …”
He clenched his jaw, holding onto his emotions that threatened his eyes.
Slade: “Even if you can’t love me back.”
Love was supposed to be many beautiful things. And it was. But at the core of love, there existed this really selfish need. I refused to believe that if you truly loved someone you’d set them free. No. You didn’t set them free. You held them. You nurtured them. You made their happiness yours.
Slade: “Yours,”
he whispered as his hands framed my face.
Livy: “You belong to her,”
I said in defeat with broken words and without opening my eyes.
Slade: “I belong to you.”
Livy: “She’s your wife.”
Slade: “You’re my whole fucking world.”
Two monsters fucking like nothing or no one else in the world existed. Monsters held no accountability. They were selfish. And they feared nothing … not even death. I was his … and he was mine.
Jackson: “She’s all I have left. I think you underestimate what I would do to have her in my life. Like you underestimated what I would do to keep you safe, to save your life.”
Jessica shook her head.
Jessica: “You’d have to take down an entire army. Kill probably a dozen people still loyal to Abe and Knox. And they could be anywhere. You’re going to hunt all of them down? Kill all of them?”
She grunted a laugh, punctuating the insanity of it all. I leaned down and kissed her head.
Jackson: “Please stop underestimating me. Now … go home with your family.”
As I made my way toward my car, she called,
Jessica: “Where are you going?”
Without stopping, without looking back, I murmured only to myself,
Jackson: “I’m going to kill them. All of them.”
What did you think of me the first day in class? When did you know you loved me? How often do you think about your mom? Do you really think I’ll see my dad again in this lifetime? What went through your mind when you saw me after five years apart? When should we give Wylder a sibling? Do you have a stick of gum?
XO Your Livy always
I left the note by the door and retired to the bathroom for a soak in my tub. After I shaved and shampooed, I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. Minutes later, something hit the top of my head. After a quick glance around and no signs of anyone, I spotted a paper airplane on the floor next to the tub. Stretching my arm over the edge, I nabbed it and unfolded it—my note to him.
What did you think of me the first day in class? I thought you were pesky.
When did you know you loved me? The morning after my gunshot wound.
How often do you think about your mom? Several times a day.
Do you really think I’ll see my dad again in this lifetime? Yes.
What went through your mind when you saw me after five years apart? It hurt like hell. Worst fucking pain of my life. I thought death would have been better.
When should we give Wylder a sibling? When you’re done reading this.
Do you have a stick of gum? Of course.
XO Your Livy always
Your world—always.
My mom used to say goals are the future we’ll never have, dreams are the future we’re too afraid to have, and reality is what you never could have imagined. Before I saw him, I smelled peppermint.
Livy: “Pesky? Really?”
Wylder chuckled, ripping a piece of gum in two and sliding half into my mouth before shoving the other half into his mouth and shrugging off his shirt.
Slade: “Like a fly.”
#alpha #badboy #saveme #forbiddenlove #grumpy #distress #morallygrey #neighbors #secretidentity #pregnancy #setup #smalltown #touchheranddie #trauma #grieving
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